Magheragall Parish Church
Magazine
Page Four

   Smiles

Where there’s smoke...

The visual aid for the Children’s talk in church was a smoke detector. The minister asked the children if anyone knew what it meant when an alarm sounded from the smoke detector. David, aged about five immediately raised his hand: “It means Daddy's cooking dinner."


Elbow room

A grandmother was giving directions to her grown grandson who was coming to visit : "You come to the front door of the block of flats. With your elbow push button 342 on the big panel. I will buzz you in. Come inside, in the elevator on the right with your elbow hit 3. I am on the left so with your elbow, hit my doorbell."
"Sure Grandma, sounds easy, but why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?"

"You mean you're coming empty handed?"

 

Take the biscuit  

At a children’s party there were just enough biscuits for each child to have three. But young Charles snatched four. “You’re supposed to get only three, Charles,” said his hostess. “You ought to put the fourth one back.”

“I can’t!” protested Charles. “I ate that one first.”

 

Wedding report in local newspaper

 

The bridal veil was fragile net,

the bridal gown was lace.

The bride wore slippers on her feet,

a smile upon her face.

The bride wore gloves of softest silk,

bright garlands graced her hair,

her large bouquet was softest pink...

PS: The groom was also there.

 



 

Reminisces Poem

A bucket on the stove boiling all the whites

The big tin bath on Saturday nights

An old glass wash board, an outside loo

Distemper on the walls, cardboard in your shoes

Lino on the floor, a scullery our the back

A penny in the meter, coalbrick, coal and slack

Long hot summers, ponies and traps

Rag men; bone men and men who sharpened knives

Ardglass herrings, buttermilk and snuff

Soreheads, stomach aches, tripe with onions and stuff

Sennapods, Viroll, caster oil and malt

A poltice for sore throats made of hot salt

A half-moon water mark, like a front door mat

Soda farls, wheaten farls, cooling on the rack

Sheets made from flour bags, winding up the clocks

Suspenders for men to hold up their socks

Crumbier coats, paddy hats, corner shoes small

Horse drawn hearses, with black plumes tall

Gas mantles, lamplighters, billy cans of tay

Walking home from dances, courting on the way

Fish and chips in newspaper, a penny worth of jam

A pound of broken biscuits, a trolley bus and tram

Donkey’s hoof, pinade, crocks and beetles too

Rinso, Vim and Snowflakes, newspaper in the loo

Carbolic soap, Brylcream, 7 o’clock blades

Sugar and water potion, making permanent waves

Ale plants growing in a big sweet jar

Food cage with wire mesh in every back yard

Hotspur, Dandy, Rover and Beano too

A 3d matinee or a jam jar in lieu

Refunds on your bottles, brown paper bags

Five Willie Woodbines or sharing half a fag

Hoops and cleeks and guiders, peerie whips and all

Shipping songs, marbles, pitch and toss or handball

Top twenty from Luxembourg, Desert Island Discs

Henry Hall’s guest night, Rock and Roll and twist

Billy Cotton’s Band Show, a book at bedtime too

The list is never ending - but tell me who was Skiboo?

 

 

 

Senior Moment

You know you are having a senior moment when you enter a revolving door, and then you can’t remember whether you were going out or coming in.

 

          

Book Launch

 “Lisburn’s Rich Church Heritage”

 

You are invited to the launch of a book by John Kelly entitled ‘Lisburn’s Rich Church Heritage’ on Friday 12 th June at 7.30pm in Railway Street Presbyterian Church, Lisburn.

The book will be launched by the Mayor, Councillor Ronnie Crawford, at an evening of celebration to mark the 400th anniversary of the founding of Lisburn and will be compered by the Rev Dr Bert Tosh (Senior Producer of Religious Programmes, BBC Northern Ireland).

Dr Tosh will also give an overview of the book, which gives a brief history of all 132 churches and places of worship in the Lisburn city area and includes approximately 450 photographs.

Stephen McLoughlin, Principal of the Lisburn School of Music, will be joined by some of his talented pupils and a choir comprising members of Lisburn city centre church choirs, who will present a special celebratory musical programme.

Tom Whyte, Director of Music at First Lisburn Presbyterian Church, will conduct the choir.

Noel McMaster of Bakerloo Junction will recall bygone days of linen thread manufacture in Lisburn as he performs his new song ‘Barbour Mill’ in addition to singing his well-known song ‘My Lagan Softly Flowing’.

Refreshments will be served afterwards in the church hall. The book will be on sale on Saturday 13 th June, cost £5, at the Irish Linen Centre (Lisburn Museum Shop), the Island Civic Centre, the Faith Mission Book Shop, the House of Vic-Ryn (Inspire Books and Café) and a limited number of copies available from Smyth Patterson Ltd and some supporting churches.

All proceeds from the sale of the book will be in aid of the Mayor’s charity, Diabetes UK.

RSVP: John Kelly.

Tel: (028) 9258 3104 or

Email: jakelly81@hotmail.com

 

The Church Skip

 

The skip in the Church car park has over many years been used to clear all manner of rubbish from the church hall and grounds.

Recently the City Council withdrew the service which had in the past been available under the rates.

Consequently the church now uses a private company and we can no longer use the skip for all manner of rubbish.

The skip is now for soil from the grave yard and soil alone. Do not place anything else in the skip, if you do your church will end up paying £450 plus VAT to have the skip emptied This is four times the amount we pay for soil only.


News from the Diocese

 

Update on Children’s Ministry Project

Survey underway Monday 30 March 2009

Children across Connor are currently being asked what THEY think of children’s ministry in the diocese.

As part of Connor’s programme to create a new Children’s Strategy for supporting work with children in the diocese a research project is being conducted by Mrs Margaret Fullerton.

Mrs Fullerton visited all clergy during February and March distributing a survey for children aged 7 to 11 to complete.

A copy of the pilot survey can be downloaded from Diocesan Website for parents interested in seeing the content of the survey. All surveys are being distributed and completed in each child’s church group. This is an anonymous survey and both parent and child will be given the opportunity for the child to opt out if they wish to do so.

Speaking in the diocesan magazine, Connor Connections, Mrs Fullerton said: “The aim is to give children’s ministry an identity of its own, allowing children to play a stronger part in the diocese.”

 

 

Road of my Desire

 

O thou who dost direct my feet

To right or left where pathways part,

Wilt thou not, faithful Paraclete

Direct the journeying of my heart?

 

Into the love of God, I pray,

Deeper and deeper let me press,

Exploring all along the way

Its secret strength and tenderness.

 

Into the steadfastness of one

Who patiently endured the cross

Of him who, though he were a Son,

Came to his crown through bitter loss.

 

This is the road of my desire –

Learning to love as God loves me,

Ready to pass through flood or fire

With Christ’s unwearying constancy.

 

Frank Houghton 1894-1972

Lone Pensioner Allowance


Getting help woth you rates. From April, 2008, a new discount will be available to help you pay your rates. This is called the Lone Pensioner Allowance (LPA) and it is not means-tested.


You will be entitled to a 20% discount on your rates if you are a pensioner aged 70 or over, living on your own (some exceptions) and paying rates for your home.
LPA is always paid direct into an account for you. This could be your rent or rates account if you are a Housing Executive or a housing association tenant or you pay your rates to Land and Property Services.


If you own your own home, you can phone Land and Property Services helpline on 0845 300 6300, call in at your local Land and Property Services office or go to the website www.helpwithratesni.gov.uk and download an application form. The Housing Executive website is www.nihe.gov.uk

Sunday Readings for September 2009

Sunday 6 th September 2009 Trinity 13 Liturgical Colour: Green

Morning Service : The Lesson: Isaiah 35: 4-7a The Psalm: 146

The Epistle: James 2: 1-10, [11-13], 14-17 The Gospel: Mark 7: 24-37

Evening Service The Psalm: 119: 41-56 or 119: 49-56

Old Testament: Exodus 14: 5-31 New Testament: Matthew 6: 1-18

 

Sunday 13 th September 2009 Trinity 14 Liturgical Colour: Green

Morning Service : The Lesson: Isaiah 50: 4-9a The Psalm: 116: 1-8 The Epistle: James 3: 1-12 The Gospel: Mark 8: 27-38

Evening Service The Psalm: 119: 73-88 or 119: 73-80

Old Testament: Exodus 18: 13-26 New Testament: Matthew 7: 1-14

 

Sunday 20 th September 2009 Trinity 15 Liturgical Colour: Green

Morning Service : The Lesson: Jeremiah 11: 18-20 The Psalm: 1

The Epistle: James 3:13 - 4:3, 7-8a The Gospel: Mark 9: 30-37

Evening Service The Psalm: 119: 137-152 or 119: 137-144

Old Testament: Exodus 19: 10-25 New Testament: Matthew 8: 23-34

 

Sunday 1 st October 2009 Trinity 16 Liturgical Colour: Green

Morning Service : The Lesson: Numbers 11: 4-6, 10-16, 24-29

The Psalm: 19: 7-14 The Epistle: James 5: 13-20

The Gospel: Mark 9: 38-50

 Evening Service The Psalm: 121 Old Testament: Exodus 24

New Testament: Romans 1: 18-32 The Gospel: Matthew 9: 1-8

 

 



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