Magheragall Parish Church

Magazine
Page Four

   Smiles

The following are actual call centre conversations….

Wrong number
Customer:    'I've been ringing you on 0700 2300 for two days. Why didn’t you answer?’
Travel agen  'Where did you get that number from, sir?'.
Customer:    'It’s there on the door to your Travel Centre'.
Operator:     'Sir, they are our opening hours'

 

Sure
Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator:  'Woven? Are you sure?'
Caller:   ‘Yes, of course. That's what it says on the label; Woven in Scotland.’

 

Other side?
Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France

'If I register my car in France , do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?

 

How to make your wife more efficient

An efficiency expert was delivering a seminar on time management for a company's junior executives. He concluded the session with a disclaimer: "But whatever you do, do NOT attempt these task-organizing tips at home," he said.

"Why not?" he was asked.

"Well, I did a study of my wife's routine of fixing breakfast," he replied, a little embarrassed. "I noticed she made a lot of trips between the refrigerator and the stove, the table and the cabinets, each time carrying only one item. So I told her: “Darling you are making too many trips back and forth carrying one item at a time. If you would only try carrying several things at once you would be much more efficient." He paused.

"Did that save time?" one of the executives asked.

"Actually, yes," the expert answered, "It used to take her 20 minutes to fix my breakfast. Now I get my own in seven minutes."



 

 

Please Pray

1. For the Revd. Nicholas Dark, our Rector: asking that through his witness and teaching many may come to know Jesus as their Saviour.

2. For Nigel Adams, our new Parish Reader: giving thanks that he has the assurance of God’s calling and asking that not only may he be richly blessed in this new role but that we too may be blessed through him.

3. For Helen MacArthur, who will be ordained Deacon by Alan Bishop of Connor in St Patrick's Church Ballymena on Sunday 15th June at 6.30 p.m. to serve as Deacon in Christ Church Derriaghy, Rector John Budd

4. For Marion Wilcox, our Alpha Leader: giving thanks for the work that she has done and is doing through Alpha and asking that God, through the Holy Spirit, will use this course to strengthen our faith.

5. For those who are in hospital: giving thanks for the skills of the medical teams and asking for healing and blessing on those whom you know who are recovering from surgery or undergoing treatment.

 

 

 

 

Life

~ Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door?
~ Why is yawning contagious?
~ Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
~ Worry is like a treadmill - it wears you out and gets you nowhere
~ You are not yourself today. I noticed the improvement immediately!
~ You know that distant cousin of mine? The more distant the better
~ You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windshield that said 'Parking Fine'. That was so nice.
~ You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. You never learn to pray until your kids learn to drive.

 

 


Big Cook, Little Cook

 

 

Haddock in Lemon Butter Sauce


Ingredients


Haddock fillets 450 g skinned
Fresh milk 300 ml
Lemon 1, grated rind only
Salt
Freshly ground black pepper
Cornflour 15 ml + 30 ml milk
Butter 20 g
Fresh parsley for garnish


Method


1. Cut haddock into 4 portions. Place in a frying pan with milk, lemon rind and seasoning. Simmer gently for 8 minutes. Gently remove fish and keep warm.
2. Blend cornflour and milk. Add to poaching liquid. Bring to the boil, stirring continuously and cook for 2 minutes.
3. Add butter. Spoon sauce over the fish and garnish with parsley.

Gooseberry Creams


Ingredients
Cornflour 45 ml
Sugar 25 g
Fresh milk 225 ml
Butter 15 g
Vanilla essence few drops
Gooseberries 225 g
Icing Sugar 50 g
Fresh whipping cream 150 ml
Lemon rind to decorate


Method - Microwave Instructions 600 watt


1. Mix cornflour, sugar, milk, butter and essence in a bowl. Cook on HIGH for 3 ½ minutes, stirring after 2 minutes. Stir well and cool.


2. Place gooseberries and icing sugar in a bowl. Cook on HIGH for 3 minutes. Puree in a food processor or blender. Fold into custard. Cool


3. Whip cream until softly stiff. Fold into custard. Spoon into 4 glass dishes and chill. Decorate with lemon rind before serving.


WONDERFUL CHURCH NOTICES!

1. The Fasting and Prayer Conference includes meals.
2. Ladies, don’t forget the car boot sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those
things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

VOLUNTARY SERVICES LISBURN LTD.


Can you help? VSL is a registered charity and depends heavily on grants and community contacts. They have been in existence for 20 years, they value the involvement of volunteers and aim to provide a service to the community with schemes such as Home from Hospital, Conservation work within City Limits, Community service orders and providing work for the long term unemployed and those with special needs. Naturally demands on their resources are constantly increasing. They are turning to the Business community in Lisburn for help and are currently seeking donations of materials such as stationery, office supplies, tools, paint, computer equipment etc. Your gifts will be gratefully received and put to good use for the people of Lisburn. Contact: VSL LTD, 52a Bachelors Walk, Lisburn, BT28 1XN, Tel. 028 9260 2479

 

Book Reviews

The Toddler Book -how to enjoy your growing child

by Rachel Waddilove, Lion Adult, £7.99

A follow up to the hugely successful the Baby Book, The Toddler Book follows a child's development between the ages 12 - 36 months. Written in an informative yet friendly style, the book is essential for any parent, experienced or not, who wants to approach the terrible two's stage with confidence and a smile.

Topics covered include: sleep, feeding, general care, potty training, illnesses, behaviour, development, play, family life, new baby in the family and the spiritual and emotional needs of a child.

Rachel Waddilove has worked with children for many years and has been private maternity nurse for some well known families including those of Gwyneth Paltrow and Lady Penny Mountbatten.

 

People Like Us’in the Book of Acts - "Barnabas"

It’s interesting how nicknames stick: this was true of Joseph, a wealthy Levite from Cyprus in the Jerusalem church. He was nicknamed Barnabas. - Mr. Encouragement himself!! He remains a great example to us of how we encourage one another within the church - a much needed ministry today.

A Generous Giver
We are first introduced to Barnabas when he sold a plot of land and gave the money to the apostles (Acts 4:36 - 7). This act of generous giving was in stark contrast to the deceit of Ananias and Sapphira, who withheld money from the fellowship. Sharing our possessions to meet the practical needs of others is a special ministry of encouragement within the Christian community.

To what extent am I characterised more by unselfishness than selfishness?

A Joyful Observer
When Barnabas arrived in Antioch, “he saw the evidence of the grace of God”. (Acts 11:23) and encouraged the believers. This was the first church to be composed of predominantly Gentile Christians. He also recognised the need for the new Christians to be taught and so brought Paul out of obscurity to do this (26). Today we need people to encourage us to engage in mission and outreach in new and creative ways.

What evidence do we see of God’s grace around us?

A Team Player
Barnabas and Paul were partners together, although in Acts 13 a subtle change takes place in their relationship; Up until this point they are always described as Barnabas and Paul (2), but then it becomes Paul and arnabas (43). A team player not always seeking the limelight will encourage the ministry of the body of Christ.

In what ways do we support the ministry of others?

Barnabas remains a good example of any encourager: “he was a good man, full of the Holy Spirit and faith”. (Acts 11:24).

 

 

          

When you make a mistake

Do you ever feel like a failure? Well - here is a comforting thought. God knows that you are, too - at least sometimes. But since he didn't pick you because of your great virtue, he is hardly going to disown you just because of your defects. Peter had followed Jesus for three years - and then denied him. Jesus knew it ahead of time, but also knew that he could fully restore Peter, and that Peter would go on to grow in his grace, and achieve much for him.

All Jesus asks of us is that no matter how often we fail, we turn back to him. If we repent from our hearts, he will forgive us, and his Spirit will give us the power to begin to live a life more worthy of our Christian calling.

Looking at God

What Psalm 23 is really all about

The Lord is my Shepherd --- THAT'S RELATIONSHIP!
I shall not want --- THAT'S SUPPLY!
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures --- THAT'S REST!
He leadeth me beside still waters --- THAT'S REFRESHMENT!
He restoreth my soul --- THAT'S HEALING!
He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness --- THAT'S GUIDANCE!
For his name sake --- THAT'S PURPOSE!
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death THAT'S TESTING!
I will fear no evil --- THAT'S PROTECTION!
For thou art with me --- THAT'S FAITHFULNESS!
Thy rod and Thy staff they comfort me --- THAT'S DISCIPLINE!
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies THAT'S HOPE!
Thou anointest my head with oil --- THAT'S CONSECRATION!
My cup runneth over --- THAT'S ABUNDANCE!
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life THAT'S BLESSING!
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord --- THAT'S SECURITY!
Forever --- THAT'S ETERNITY!


Where your treasure is ……………


Psychoanalysts talk about cathexis. Cathexis means (approximately) emotional investment. To cathect something heavily means that your emotional life is pretty tangled up with whatever you cathect. As Lent begins, the question that faces every Christian is this: Given that we are less concerned about heaven the more we are wrapped up with earth; and given that the more wrapped up in heaven we are the less anxious we will be about our earthly home - how much cathexis do we invest in mansions in the sky?

It can be wearisome when people bang on about others who are “so heavenly minded that they are no earthly good.” It can happen that people are too earthly minded to be any heavenly good.

Jesus was talking about exactly that when he urged us to lay up treasure in heaven. His words blast our self-deception away: “Where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.” Matthew 6:21 Jesus knew the battle that goes on in our hearts between heavenly and earthly homes. He knew our struggle between love of money and heavenly treasure. And I guess we do too, in a somewhat befuddled sort of way. How do we lay up treasure in heaven anyway? You certainly can’t buy heavenly treasures with money.

So here we are launching into a New Year with all its possibilities, a blank page of time to be written upon. What do we do with it? One thing we can do is to look at ourselves in the mirror and ask “Where is my treasure? Where is my heart? Where do my real ambitions lie?”

“Our souls are held by what they hold;
Slaves still are slaves in chains of gold;
To whatsoever we may cling,
We make it a soul-chaining thing;
Whether it be a life, or land,
And dear as our tight eye or hand.”

New Year’s resolutions are a waste of time - how many have you already given up on - and it is only February! - New Year beginnings could start with Lent - and a re-evaluation, reorientation, and re-grasping of the true essentials of Christ’s call on our lives, in whatever sphere of endeavour we are in.

The Lambeth Conference
16th July 2008 to 3rd August 2008

Bishop Alan has asked us to pray for the Lambeth Conference and to help us do this it would be helpful to answer a few questions about this Anglican Conference which comes around every ten years.

What is the Lambeth Conference?
The Lambeth Conference is one of the global Anglican Communion's Instruments of Communion. It takes place every ten years at the invitation of the Archbishop of Canterbury. It is the one occasion when all bishops can meet for worship, study and conversation. Archbishops, diocesan, assistant and suffragan bishops are invited. Also invited are bishops from other churches 'in communion' with the Anglican Communion, bishops from United Churches and a number of ecumenical guests. Spouses of the 800 plus bishops who attend are invited by the Archbishop of Canterbury's wife to a parallel, independent gathering: the Spouses' Conference. The current Archbishop of Canterbury, Rowan Williams, has called the next Lambeth Conference for July 2008. His wife, Jane, will convene the Spouses' Conference.

Programme & Aims of Lambeth 2008
The programme for Lambeth 2008 hopes to help equip the Bishops to fulfil their leadership role in God’s Church. The conference aims that all delegates will be restored and refreshed spiritually, gain deeper knowledge of each other, become more aware of the spiritual and physical resources God has given them to meet missionary challenges in different parts of the world, develop greater understanding and appreciation of life together in the Anglican Communion, address conflict, discover a new level of trust in common service to God, gain greater understanding of the contribution Anglicanism can make to the worldwide church and the world. These aims will be fulfilled by delegates spending time together: in spiritual reflection, learning, sharing experiences and discerning their particular role in God’s mission for the world.

The subjects the Bishops will address during the conference will include Biblical interpretation, Ecumenical relationships, Anglican identity, the role of bishops, listening within the Anglican Communion, Engagement with other faiths, Evangelism and Mission, Gender and Sexuality, Relationships, Social and family relationships and HIV/Aids

Please pray for this gathering of our Church leaders and remember our Bishop as he attends his first conference with his wife Liz.

ORDINATION


I would invite you during the summer months to pray for all those who were ordained during the month of June. They are listed below, with their date of ordination and parish within which they will serve. Please pray for them as they begin their ministry and please pray that as a denomination we will all seek to encourage vocation in others. You will know Helen McArthur who has assisted in Magheragall and Stanley Gamble who has many family ties with our Parish.

Nicholas


ORDINATIONS TO THE DIACONATE 2008
Diocese of Armagh 29th June William McCracken Camlough & Mullaglass, Carmen Hayes St. Mark’s Portadown
Diocese of Clogher, 11th June Charles Eames Magheracross
Diocese of Connor, 15th June Mark Niblock Agherton John Farr Muckamore, Killead & Gartree, Helen McArthur Derriaghy, Martin Hilliard Larne & Inver
Diocese of Cork Cloyne & Ross 24th June Damien Keane Bandon Union
Diocese of Derry & Raphoe 24th June Isaac Hanna Dungiven & Bovevagh & Brian Hassen
Diocese of Down & Dromore 15th June Gary McMurray Dundonald
Diocese of Dublin & Glendalough, 8th June Stephen Farrell Taney, Robert Lawson Celbridge, and Anne-Marie O’Farrell
Diocese of Kilmore, Elphin & Ardagh, 1st June Hazel Hicks Belturbet Group,


ORDINATIONS TO THE PRIESTHOOD 2008
Diocese of Clogher June Alison Seymour-Whiteley, Clogher Group,
Diocese of Kilmore, Elphin & Ardagh 18th May Anita Kerr, Sligo Cathedral
Diocese of Connor 9th June Barry Forde, St. Patrick’s Coleraine, Campbell Dixon St. Patrick’s, Jordanstown, Ken Gamble, St Marks Ballymacash, Mark Reid, Glenavy & John McClure.
Diocese of Dublin & Glendalough 15th June Robert Jones C.O.R.E & Alan Barr, Bray
Diocese of Derry & Raphoe 22nd June Ian Magowan, Killowen
Diocese of Down & Dromore 22nd June Clare Ashbridge, Donaghcloney & Waringstown, Carlton Baxter, Shankhill, Lurgan, James Boyd, Magheralin, Stanley Gamble, Knockbreda, Edward Gorringe, Aghalee, Mervyn Jamison, Ballybeen, Adrian McLaughlin, Bangor Abbey, Brian O’Reilly Seagoe, Portadown


PRAYER FOR THE ORDINANDS

We pray, God our Father, Lord of the entire world, we thank you that through your son you have called us into the fellowship of your universal church. Hear our prayer for your faithful people that in their vocation and ministry they may be instruments of your love, and give to these your servants now to be ordained the needful gifts of grace; through our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ. Amen

Lone Pensioner Allowance


Getting help woth you rates. From April, 2008, a new discount will be available to help you pay your rates. This is called the Lone Pensioner Allowance (LPA) and it is not means-tested.


You will be entitled to a 20% discount on your rates if you are a pensioner aged 70 or over, living on your own (some exceptions) and paying rates for your home.
LPA is always paid direct into an account for you. This could be your rent or rates account if you are a Housing Executive or a housing association tenant or you pay your rates to Land and Property Services.


If you own your own home, you can phone Land and Property Services helpline on 0845 300 6300, call in at your local Land and Property Services office or go to the website www.helpwithratesni.gov.uk and download an application form. The Housing Executive website is www.nihe.gov.uk




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